The Chive whacker

mtc said:

I don't "get it" ... but I like it !!

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thechive.com
enjoy

Sharp plate

One of my co-workers who was being a wise-ass at roll call found his car shrink-wrapped at the end of his shift. Professionally shrink-wrapped, not a roll of Saran Wrap.

Delta784 said:

One of my co-workers who was being a wise-ass at roll call found his car shrink-wrapped at the end of his shift. Professionally shrink-wrapped, not a roll of Saran Wrap.

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I never had it done me to nor have I been involved, but I saw plenty of employees cars shrinkwrapped in my ten years of working in a warehouse.

frank said:

I never had it done me to nor have I been involved, but I saw plenty of employees cars shrinkwrapped in my ten years of working in a warehouse.

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Oh, no, no.....I mean boat shrink-wrapped, the heavy duty white stuff that they use to seal-up yachts for the winter. I heard it took him almost a half-hour to cut it off.

Delta784 said:

One of my co-workers who was being a wise-ass at roll call found his car shrink-wrapped at the end of his shift. Professionally shrink-wrapped, not a roll of Saran Wrap.

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I am reminded of your statement in a post some years ago to the effect, roughly, that a police roll call is the most vicious (or was it savage) environment known to man.

My own personal vehicle was once made into a human face, complete with a traffic cone sliced in half lengthwise and sticking out of the grille as a tongue. A coworker found a dead rabbit under the junk on the floor of the passenger side. Another had a dead raccoon tied to the back of his car for his drive home on 93 -- and the state police were of course called about a "man dragging a dog" behind his car. This was separate from the day when he got sprayed by a skunk and had to drive home in his raincoat -- the state police were called about a "flasher" that time.

NEPS said:

I am reminded of your statement in a post some years ago to the effect, roughly, that a police roll call is the most vicious (or was it savage) environment known to man.

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It is.....Simon Cowell would run screaming from a typical police roll coll, as it's absolutely vicious and unforgiving.

Well deserved, BTW.

1. Take three hole punch from dispatch
2. Pour contents into dash defrost vents of suspect vehicle
3. Turn climate control fan on high
4. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

RZero said:

1. Take three hole punch from dispatch
2. Pour contents into dash defrost vents of suspect vehicle
3. Turn climate control fan on high
4. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

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You forgot a step:

5. Bring three hole punch back to dispatch because they need it

We had a new guy running his suck and acting all salty towards us older guys way back when. I and another officer took turns spraying his personal vehicle with a garden hose every half hour. Did I mention it was January and about 15 degrees? That car was frozen up tighter than Tom Thumb's ass.

RZero said:

1. Take three hole punch from dispatch
2. Pour contents into dash defrost vents of suspect vehicle
3. Turn climate control fan on high
4. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

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Johnny Law said:

We had a new guy running his suck and acting all salty towards us older guys way back when. I and another officer took turns spraying his personal vehicle with a garden hose every half hour. Did I mention it was January and about 15 degrees? That car was frozen up tighter than Tom Thumb's ass.

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These are just wrong. Funny, but wrong

Yellow police caution tape, about 50-75 feet-roll it up tie, off one end to the frame and place the rest up and under. As the car travels, tape fall down-instant bright yellow tail.
Works extremely well on guys with a longer commute.
Came up with that one after one of my cars (a beat up buick) was wrapped up like a triple homicide.

Heres a purely HYPOTHETICAL story: Go to the home of one of our off duty EMT's at 0300 with the back seat of a cruiser and an ambulance filled with inflated balloons containing baby powder and a "rescue randy" training dummy with balloon anatomy attached. Use a lockout kit to "gain access" to the target vehicle in the driveway and fill the entire car with balloons and put Randy in the passenger seat. When said EMT came out in the morning running late to head to a class, she popped only enough balloons to drive. After entering the neighboring town, she was stopped by police for impeded operation. It would be quite comical, if it were real, of course.

And the retaliatory nitroglycerin paste on my door handles wouldve been funny had I not threatened pepper spray on the toilet seat, preemptively.

I once inserted approximately one pound of baby powder into the bathroom at work underneath the closed door at approximately 180 psi.

Naturally, it quickly turned to an aerosol and coated EVERYTHING...including the guy who was sitting on the can on his cell phone. That is hands down, the best practical joke I have ever played.

That guy stopped stinking up our bathroom after that.

Heard a funny story about a young officer who grabbed 3 clowns fishing W/O licenses in Wayland. All 3 had warrants and gave this young officer a pant load of shit. Wayland and MSP transported clowns to Framingham for booking. After inventory of their vehicle he decided that all of their possessions (fishing equipment)should be locked up in their vehicle, including their bucket of illegally procured fish. The plates on the car were no good so he must have figured it would be in impound for a few days. Funny thing about the power of a late June sun.

I knew an officer that could imitate amost any voice. He called a rookie on a midnight shift and told him that he was the chief. He told the rookie that a very important news article was going to be printed about the PD in the Globe/Herald and that he needed the rookie to pick up a copy of each paper when they came out at 4am. He told the rookie to bring it to his house (chief) and to knock on the door until he answered it and he would give him the money for the papers. Apparently the real chief wasn't too happy with the rookie banging on his door at 4am.

USMCMP5811 said:

Nail bathroom door shut, unload a can of starting fluid (either) under said door. Once target goes night night, handcuff said targets hands to opposing ankles and take their handcuff key from them. then let them wake up.......

Not that I would know anthing about that......

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That one sounds a bit too dangerous......