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Probably one of the best lines I ever heard from an OUI driver. Was when asked what happened that caused the damage to his car, he looked at me and said " To tell you the truth officer I'm to F****** drunk to remember.
 

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Chapter 90 Enforcer
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Me: "So how many beers did you have tonight?"

OUI Guy: "Oh, about 6 or 7. I was at poker night at a friends house in (another town)"

I then asked him to step out of the vehicle with the intent to offer SFST. As I watched him get out, he got out and faced the car, put his hands behind his back. I asked "What are you doing?", he replied "you might as well just arrest me now". "Do you want to take the Field Sobriety tests?".. he said "No, I'll fail, so you might as well just arrest me".

His wish was my command :twisted:
 

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RPD931";p="70049 said:
Me: "So how many beers did you have tonight?"

OUI Guy: "Oh, about 6 or 7. I was at poker night at a friends house in (another town)"

I then asked him to step out of the vehicle with the intent to offer SFST. As I watched him get out, he got out and faced the car, put his hands behind his back. I asked "What are you doing?", he replied "you might as well just arrest me now". "Do you want to take the Field Sobriety tests?".. he said "No, I'll fail, so you might as well just arrest me".

His wish was my command :twisted:
I've heard of a similar incident where a subject refused to take a FST and then plead not guilty to OUI later on, claiming he could have passed the FST... even though he blew nearly twice the limit. :shock: He was pretty shocked when he was found guilty.
 

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This one is from funniest police videos. Driver claims he cannot take field sobriety because he has a glass eye. When the officer asks, "Which eye?" the driver say's "both of them".
 

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During a well being check of a very intoxicated female who is one of our regulars:

"Are there any friends or relatives who you can stay with for the night?"

"Yeah... my cat" (Who died two days before).
 

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Officer: "The bartender's called you a cab to take you home."
Drunk: "I ain't got no money."
Officer: "Is there anyone with you who can drive you home?"
Drunk: "Yeah, my cousin Tim."
Officer: "Okay, why don't you go get him and bring him over here."
Drunk: "Can I have my keys back."
Officer: "No, Tim's going to drive you home."
Drunk: "I know that asshole; I have to go to Nashua to pick him up."

---

"How much have you had to drink tonight?"
"One beer,"
"Thats it?"
"Yeah, but I smoked a little earlier."
"Smoked a little what?"
"You know, I *smoked*... you know... a little recreational stuff thats all."
As he's being arrested... "Why are you arresting me officer, I'm not drunk!"

---

My favorite episode of COPS is when the trooper(?) pulls over a OUI driver and asks if he's done any drugs today and he keeps saying no... then the camera zooms into his ear and the officer pulls off a blunt from behind his ear. Subjects response: "Oooh. I didn't know."

---
 

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While booking a drunk for PC and doing an invatory of his property perscription bottle was found. The drunk then says they are his heart bills and he needed to take one. We then asked him if he ussually takes them with alcohol and the drunk replied "no ussualy a glass of water and a asprin"
 

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One of my all time favorites from cops tv was:
Officer: Sir are you a transiet?
Drunk: No sir, I am an american!!!!!!!!! :DP: :fu2:


Or when ever drugs are found in the vehicle" I got it from some guy".[-X
 

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Stop a car and ask the driver for his license and he said to me "I dont have a license, I wasnt driving he was" as he was pointing to the passenger!
 
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At the scene of an accident, I recently arrested a third-offense OUI, who was blasted up to the ozone on both booze and drugs. I was escorting him to the cruiser.

Suspect - "Be careful with my watch, it's a Rolex".

Me - "You're a junkie with a Rolex, congratulations".

Suspect - "I'm not a junkie, I'm on prescription drugs, and I'm drunk".

Thanks very much, the ADA will love that one!
 

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"Who's weed is this?"

"Not mine."

"Well, it was in your pants..."

"These aren't my pants."

"Well, if we find out who dressed you this morning, we'll find who the weed belongs to!"

-click-click- "Have a seat."
 

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SinePari said:
"Well, if we find out who dressed you this morning, we'll find who the weed belongs to!"

QUOTE]

That has to be one of the BEST comebacks I've heard... Kudos to you for coming up with that one...
 

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Stopped a male for speeding, the operator of the Corvette states "Hey man, I have been driving this road longer than you have been alive". I respond "So, you must know the speed limit really well...here is you citation".
 

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Drunk Bastard
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Responding to a one car mva, the elderly gentlman, who had drive over a traffic island and gotten hung up on a yield sign after wards, was asked to participate in FST,
Old guy: "What, you think I'm drunk?"
Me: "Sir, it's 0300 and you've driven clear over a traffic island..."
Old Guy: "I know, my car keeps doing this to me."

I bet.
 

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A former sergeant of mine tells this story. While patrolling the back roads, a lover's lane type area, he came across a car parked alongside the road. The lights were off, the car was running and the windows were all fogged up. The car was rocking. Concerned for the safety of any possible victims, i.e, a rape in progress, he approached the window and saw a man and a woman doing the mommy-daddy dance in the back seat. The man was on top of the woman and going to town. The sergeant knocked on the window. They guy didn't miss a beat, he kept on humping, held up his first finger and said, "I'll be with you in a minute".
 

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This one happened to me a few years ago. While enroute to the fourth alarm at Home Depot that night. I hear an officer (a very close friend) call in that he is clear a signal to his house and that he is returning to his sector. (downtown) While still holding the mic, I, and everyone else in scanner land hear the following.... Oh shit! hang on Dave (a new recruit) and in the background we hear "Here comes the pain!" Then a loud crash, my friend making an Ugh! sound and then the mic went dead.

I happened to be around the bend in the road and immediatly volunteered to find out what happened. As I arrived I see two cops staggering around, an elderly couple standing next to them trying to walk them to the sidewalk, and a brown four door sedan with it's passenger side jammed up against a massive oak tree's trunk.

I check on the officers first (Of course) and find them both dazed, Dave (the recruit) has his glasses busted and smashed against his face. Both are no longer fans of the airbags. They are able to quickly relate that the brown sedan had attempted to turn left as they were traveling straight in the opposite direction. The sedan hit them head on at about 45 miles an hour.

After getting them medical attention, I walk over to the sedan. Inside the sedan I see the operator with seatbelt on, changing the radio station and then holding the wheel as if he was still traveling down the road. I then knock on the drivers window and the operator looked at me as if to say, why are you running along side my vehicle??? He rolls the window down and says............

Why are you stopping me??? I wasn't speeding!!! After a brief chuckle, I point to his passenger seat. He stops talking, turns to the seat and then looks skyward following the bark of the tree up from the seat through the roof and into the sky and says..............

How did that get there???

P.S. he got found not guilty as he was the sole provider for his mother who was bed ridden and crippled. Oh well.
 

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Me: How many drinks did you have tonight?
Him: I had two heinekens but then I smoked so now I'm straight.
Me: What do you mean now you're straight?
Him: You know I smoked a lil weed so now I'm straight
Oh that makes perfect sense then....thank you
 

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I once pulled over a young girl for running a stop sign almost hitting my cruiser. I told her I am stopping her because you ran the stop sign, as I am ask her for her license and registration I see a cell phone to her right ear still talking. She then says officer I didnt see the stop sign because I was talking on the cell phone. I returned with a citation and said "Can you hear me now have a nice day"
 
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