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Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.
_____________________________________

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support
 

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LMAO! Now let's turn the tables:


Husband 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as Dinner 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and MoviesNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SundayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness.

Can you help please ?!!!!

Desperate


Dear Desperate:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I would suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system.

Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME" Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8. TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, Beer 6.0.

Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!

Just remember, the system will run smoothly and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shut down of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 or Golfing 2.3 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.

"We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
 
G

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A major problem with wife 1.0 is expansion of ass 3.5. This coinsides with a major reduction in overall BJ's 2.5 and a total loss of porno collection 3.6.
 

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Well...at least this proves that both Husband 1.0 AND Wife 1.0 have some flaws...Granted, Wife 1.0 has less...but you catch my drift.
 

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I am currently running Girlfriend 7.0 and have been doing so for quite sometime. Recently Girlfriend 7.0 has been malfunctioning causing annoying pop-up ads to upgrade to Wife 1.0 as well as warnings that failure to upgrade in a timely manner may cause system instability of Girlfriend 7.0. I was reading the user agreement of Wife 1.0 and in the small print it warns that this program may install other programs without authorization pursuant to the implied consent clause. I am concerned as some of these programs include children 2.5, shopping 24-7, Norton Anti-sex module 1.3 that activates 6 months after installation of Wife 1.0 but is down one night per month for maintenance. Further it warns simultaneously running Wife 1.0 and Girlfriend 7.0 will breach the user agreement and result in severe civil penalties like, loss of house 3.1, forfeiture of 401k and general humiliation 4.2. So I am scared :lol:
 

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I am currently running Girlfriend 7.0 and have been doing so for quite sometime. Recently Girlfriend 7.0 has been malfunctioning causing annoying pop-up ads to upgrade to Wife 1.0 as well as warnings that failure to upgrade in a timely manner may cause system instability of Girlfriend 7.0. I was reading the user agreement of Wife 1.0 and in the small print it warns that this program may install other programs without authorization pursuant to the implied consent clause. I am concerned as some of these programs include children 2.5, shopping 24-7, Norton Anti-sex module 1.3 that activates 6 months after installation of Wife 1.0 but is down one night per month for maintenance. Further it warns simultaneously running Wife 1.0 and Girlfriend 7.0 will breach the user agreement and result in severe civil penalties like, loss of house 3.1, forfeiture of 401k and general humiliation 4.2. So I am scared :lol:
You may want to un-install Girlfriend 7.0 and re-install Girlfriend 1.0 and just start over...
 

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You may want to un-install Girlfriend 7.0 and re-install Girlfriend 1.0 and just start over...
That seems like an awful lot of trouble -- unless Girlfriend 7.0 has installed Celibate 3.0 before Wife 1.0 has been downloaded, in which case an upgrade may be necessary!
 

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Actually Girlfriend 7.0 has installed programs such as erotic massage 1.0, cooking 2.1, exercising 1.2. I am still learning about this program and cannot yet figure out in these new programs are temporary files or application extensions that are compatible with Wife 1.0
 

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When girlfriend 7.0 is DOWNGRADED to wife 1.0, erotic massage will be uninstalled and replaced with cold shoulder 6.0
cooking 2.1 will be replaced by fast food 2.3 and exercise 1.2 will be uninstalled
 

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When girlfriend 7.0 is DOWNGRADED to wife 1.0, erotic massage will be uninstalled and replaced with cold shoulder 6.0
cooking 2.1 will be replaced by fast food 2.3 and exercise 1.2 will be uninstalled
I really gotta get you guys a copy of my husband's Wife 2.0...Erotic Massage may still be AWOL, but Cold Shoulder 6.0 was replaced with Spooning 7.5, Cooking is now Baking 5.5 and Exercise was re-installed at Marathon 10.0 (if you catch my drift)
\:D/
hahaha..He's gonna kill me when he reads this.
 

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>HARD-DISK Woman:
>She remembers everything, FOREVER.
>
>RAM Woman:
>She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
>
>WINDOWS Woman:
>Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
>
>EXCEL Woman:
>They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.
>
>SCREENSAVER Woman:
>She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
>
>INTERNET Woman:
>Difficult to access.
>
>SERVER Woman:
>Always busy when you need her.
>
>MULTIMEDIA Woman:
>She makes horrible things look beautiful.
>
>CD-ROM Woman:
>She is always faster and faster.
>
>E-MAIL Woman:
>Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
>
>VIRUS Woman:
>Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, shem comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything..
 
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