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Application to Live in Kentucky



Name:__________________________ Nickname:_________________________________

CB Handle Model:_____________________ Color:______________

Address (RFD No.):_________________--_____________________________________

Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects):______________________________________

Mamma:_________________________

Neck Shade: _____Light Red _____Medium Red _____Dark Red

Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_____ Lower_____

Name of Pickup owned:_______________ Height of Truck__________

Truck equipped with:
____Gun Rack ____4-Wheel Drive ____Confederate Flag
____8-Track Cassettes ____Load of Wood ____Hijacker Shocks
____Radar Detector ____Mag Wheels ____Dual CB Antennas
____Spittoon ____Camper Top ____Air Horns
____Mud Flaps ____Toothpick Holder ____Mud-Grip Tires
____Raccoon Hide ____Big Dog ____Hunting Rifle


Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup truck:_____

BUMPER STICKERS:
____Eat more Possum ____My other car is a piece of shit too
____Honk if you love Jesus ____If you ain't a cowboy you aint shit
____Redman Chewing Tobacco ____Wave if you're horny
____Don't Like My Driving? Dial 1-800-Eat-Shit
____If You Can Read This, Then You's Too Smart For Kentucky
____I Brake For Nuthin' ____National Rifle Association


Define the following (must be 90% correct):

1. Grits 6. Sawmill Gravy 11. Cobbler 16. Tater
2. Goobers 7. Turnip Salad 12. Fatback 17. Pig Skins
3. Pinto Beans 8. Shit-on-a-Shingle 13. Tote 18. Okrie
4. Collards 9. Redeye Gravy 14. Chickin'Fry 19. Shonuf
5. Sidemeat 10. Soppin' Syrup 15. Poke 20. Chitlins


Favorite Vocalist:

____Reba McEntire ____Conway Twitty ____Loretta Lynn
____Hank Williams Jr. ____Randy Travis ____Ray Wylie Hubbard
____Tammy Wynette ____Slim Whitman ____Porter Wagoner
____Willie Nelson ____George Jones ____Box Car Willie


Favorite Recreation:

____Square Dancin' ____Possum Huntin' ____Skinny Dippin'
____Craw Daddin' ____Gospel Singin' ____4-Wheelin'
____Drankin' ____Spittin' Backy ____Bill Chip Throwin'
____Honky Tonkin' ____Noodlin' ____Other


Name of Son(s): ____Bubba ____Jim Bob ____LeeRoy ____J.D.
____Bill Lee____Bob Lee ____Duke


Name of Daughter(s): ____PammySue ____Violet ____Paulette ____Daisy

Weapons Owned:

___Deer Rifle ___Sawed-Off Shotgun ___Varmit Rifle ___Log Cabin
___Tire Iron ___Power Chain Saw ___Pick Handle ___Hick'ry Switch


Number of Dogs:____ Type: ___Blue Tick ___Beagle
___Black & Tan ___Bird Dawg


Cap Emblem: ___John Deer ___McCullock Chain Saws ___Budweiser
___Vo-Tech ___Skoal ___Coors
___NAPA ___Smile if You're Not Wearing Underwear
___N.R.A. ___Redman ____Kodiak


Number of Dependends: Legal:________ Claimed:_________

Number of Weeks Unemployed:__________

Number of Welfare Checks Received:____________

Memberships:

___KKK ___NRA ___Moose ___PTL Club ___AA
___Bass Club ___VFW ___Quiltin' Bee ___American Legion
___United Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy
___John Birch Society


Length of Right leg:________ Length of Left leg:__________

Number of Testicles Shot off in 'Nam____ Number of Testicles Left____

Does your truck contain some part painted the offical state color of
Primer Red? ___Yes ___No


How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?_______

How many kitchen appliances will you keep on your front porch?__________

Will you wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags?____________

Do you own any shoes? ____Yes ____No If yes, how many?__________

What year did you last purchase shoes?_________________

Are you married to any of the following:

____Sister ____Cousin ____Sow

Do you know her name?________________

Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?____________

Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?____________

Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?________________

If so, why?______________________________________________________________

Can you count: Past 10 with your shoes on?_________________
To 21 with your fly up?_____________________


Do you know any words that have more than four letters?__________________

Have you ever had more than one bath in a week?__________________________

Medical Information:

Do you have at least two of the following:

___BO ___Crabs ___Head Lice ___Rabies
___Trench Mouth ___Runny Nose ___Bad Breath ___Chafing


IF YOUR APPLICATION IS TURNED DOWN BY THE STATE OF KENTUCKY, YOU MAY BE

ELIGIBLE IN THE STATES OF TEXAS, OKLAHOMA, OR ARKANSAS. THEIR STANDARDS ARE

SLIGHTLY LOWER, HOWEVER, YOU WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO VISIT KENTUCKY.

LOL @ Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?

 
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