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· MassCops Angel
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NFL star joins Dick, Schmuck, Queer, Doody in procuring a new surname

SEPTEMBER 5--In time for this week's start of the NFL season, All-Pro wide receiver Chad Johnson has legally changed his surname to OchoCinco, in recognition of his uniform number. A Florida judge last week approved the Cincinnati Bengals's name change application, a copy of which you'll find below. In Broward County Circuit Court documents, the limelight-loving Johnson, who has long referred to himself by the rough Spanish translation for 85, his uniform number, describes himself as a twice-arrested unmarried father of four (his kids include Chad II, Chade, and Cha'iel). Johnson's request was granted August 28, so he will be wearing a jersey with his new surname when the Bengals open their season Sunday in Baltimore against the Ravens. While amusing, the 30-year-old athlete's legal application was hardly as pressing (or warranted) as some other name change filings TSG has gathered. As seen in these additional documents, prior petitioners were born with such unfortunate names like Fuk King, Dick, Doody, Schmuck, Queer, Suckey, Pinas, Porn, Fukova, and Ralph Lifshitz (who changed his name to Ralph Lauren). Yes, that Ralph Lauren.
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