12 Step Program for the Leaving the Military | MassCops

12 Step Program for the Leaving the Military

Discussion in 'Just Shootin' The Breeze' started by EOD1, Nov 9, 2005.

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  1. EOD1

    EOD1 Subscribing Member

    1. I am in the military , I have a problem. This is the first step to

    2. Speech:

    • Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it is not 0530or 1400 it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA God-awful early).
    • Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed, workout, get used to it.
    • "F *ck" cannot be used to -replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try "um".
    • Grunting is not talking.
    • It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in "out"
    • People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from Camp Lejeune with the MWSS platoon or that you spent a deployment in the OCAC

    3. Style:

    • Do not put creases in your jeans.
    • Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
    • A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.
    • A high and tight looks really dumb as well.
    • So does a low reg, but not as bad.
    • A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the rest of the world.
    • you do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.

    4. Women:

    • Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force girls.
    • Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.
    • Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make "financial sense", it makes you a retard.

    5. Personal accomplishments:

    • In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make you good at your job.
    • Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.
    • How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.
    • The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.

    6. Drinking:

    • In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention, not a "good for you"
    • That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a conversation starter.
    • That time you went to the combat life saver school and practiced giving vodka iv's will also not be a good conversation starter

    6. Bodily functions:

    • Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may be viewed as "unprofessional".
    • The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.
    • You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is
    • VD will also not be funny

    7. The human body:

    • Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.

    8. Spending habits:

    • One day, you will have to pay bills
    • Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.
    • Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.
    • One day you will need health insurance

    9. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):

    • Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be normal.

    10. Real jobs:

    • They really can fire you.
    • On the flip side you really can quit.
    • Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember they really can quit too.
    • Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
    • Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800

    11. The Law:

    • Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from prison.
    • Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably won't,in fact most likely you will fired about 5 minutes after they find out you've been arrested
    • Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to help you get the job
    • Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested, not yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.

    12. General knowledge:

    • You can in fact really say what you think about the President in public.
    • Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.
    • They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important then you are, be polite.
    • Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time.
  2. sempergumby

    sempergumby Subscribing Member

    Amen brother..........
  3. no$.10

    no$.10 Drunk Bastard

    However, all of these things will serve to make you the perfect Trooper.

  4. Delta784

    Delta784 Guest

    Step 13;

    Throw away the satin jacket that has a skull on the back, with flames shooting out the eyes, and the motto "2d Brigade, Death Dealers and Heart Stealers" emblazoned around it.

    Also, shave off the Prince-like cheesy mustache, and stop wearing a BDU t-shirt with everything.

    If you were a Marine, don't allow 3 or 4 years of your life to define your entire identity.
  5. EOD1

    EOD1 Subscribing Member

    hey ken i resemble alot of those!
  6. MSP75

    MSP75 Guest

    I still have mine 15 years later. My wife wants to burn it.
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