12 Step Program for the Leaving the Military

1. I am in the military , I have a problem. This is the first step to
recovery...

2. Speech:

• Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it is not 0530or 1400 it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA God-awful early).
• Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed, workout, get used to it.
• "F *ck" cannot be used to -replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try "um".
• Grunting is not talking.
• It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in "out"
• People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from Camp Lejeune with the MWSS platoon or that you spent a deployment in the OCAC

3. Style:

• Do not put creases in your jeans.
• Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
• A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.
• A high and tight looks really dumb as well.
• So does a low reg, but not as bad.
• A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the rest of the world.
• you do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.

4. Women:

• Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force girls.
• Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.
• Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make "financial sense", it makes you a retard.

5. Personal accomplishments:

• In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make you good at your job.
• Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.
• How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.
• The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.

6. Drinking:

• In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention, not a "good for you"
• That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a conversation starter.
• That time you went to the combat life saver school and practiced giving vodka iv's will also not be a good conversation starter

6. Bodily functions:

• Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may be viewed as "unprofessional".
• The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.
• You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is
• VD will also not be funny

7. The human body:

• Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.

8. Spending habits:

• One day, you will have to pay bills
• Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.
• Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.
• One day you will need health insurance

9. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):

• Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be normal.

10. Real jobs:

• They really can fire you.
• On the flip side you really can quit.
• Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember they really can quit too.
• Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
• Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800

11. The Law:

• Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from prison.
• Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably won't,in fact most likely you will fired about 5 minutes after they find out you've been arrested
• Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to help you get the job
• Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested, not yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.

12. General knowledge:

• You can in fact really say what you think about the President in public.
• Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.
• They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important then you are, be polite.
• Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time.

 

Amen brother..........

 

However, all of these things will serve to make you the perfect Trooper.

:alcoholi:

 

Step 13;

Throw away the satin jacket that has a skull on the back, with flames shooting out the eyes, and the motto "2d Brigade, Death Dealers and Heart Stealers" emblazoned around it.

Also, shave off the Prince-like cheesy mustache, and stop wearing a BDU t-shirt with everything.

If you were a Marine, don't allow 3 or 4 years of your life to define your entire identity.

 

hey ken i resemble alot of those!

 

I still have mine 15 years later. My wife wants to burn it.