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Discussion in 'War Stories' started by Mitpo62, Mar 7, 2007.
"Ya your're right you and I are different. Your're under arrest I'm not."
Dealing with college kids can be especially fun since so many are so damn naive.
This works on lots of folks..."So, you want to play games? No problem, just remember, the rules are mostly in my favor and I'll get paid time and a half for court. If you really want to help fatten my paycheck, that would be very nice of you."
I love to use this one when a few of us are clearing a call: "Hey what's going on?" "Well, we THOUGHT we had Osama, but it turns out it was just some kid who really likes ZZ Top."
or..."Is everything alright?" "Sure. Nothing going on. Just be real careful when you go in so you don't slip on all that blood." and walk away. That few seconds of stunned silence is pure joy.
"Is that gun real?" "Nope, it shoots a sleep agent that slowly and painlessly puts the suspect to sleep so there's no need to hurt him." It's actually a bit scary how many will crinkle up their faces and say, "That's a wonderful idea."
"You're not a real cop?" "You got me, so don't forget to mention that at your arraignment tomorrow."
"Why are you harassing me?" "Why NOT you?"
or "You're here."
I would have expected him to say he was dyslexic and thought he was going the speed limit.inch:
I once read a GREAT book entitled "Midnights" about a guy who spent ONE year as a Wellfleet Police Officer. The Author (whose name is something like Alex Wilkenson) quotes one of the true life officers in his book as once saying "YOUR business is OUR business. OUR business is none of YOUR damn business." Should anyone care, once I find the book, I'll give you more info. It's a fantastic book with plenty of laughs and I swear I met one of the officers many years ago. It just didn't click who it was until hours later.
Anyway, enough said.
Your on a roadjob and traffic is messed up, and of course someone has to screw it up even more and ask for directions..the quick reply "Go down till you see the second to last light and take a left."
Heard this one the other day.
During a MV stop for tail light out, marijuana is found in the car.
When the driver is asked if he learned his lesson, he responds
"Don't drive around with weed"
to which the officer responded:
"How about not smoking it at all?!?"
One of our retired Sgt.'s had an mva involving an empty schoolbus in front of a church. After the nineteenth time the priest asked "when is this bus going to be moved", and got the reply of "as soon as the power company gets rid of the live wires all over it", the priest actually started to give the Sgt. a hard time. Finally the Sgt. turned around, red in the face, and said "You are the most difficult priest I have ever met".
Almost the same thing one night working 11-7, it was snowing like a bastard and someone called asking "How bad the snow is" i promptly said watch the tv, we aren't a weather station and hung up.
Actually if you had read further you would have noted that my ocupation is EPO. I work all over the state. This particular day I was at the Brimfield Fair working a plain clothes gig. The subject, we were searching was trying to sell skeletal remains. I live in (Billrica) Billerica but don't usually work there. Oh ya, don't worry about the spelling that's what spell ck is for.
I love spell Czech. I just wish it werced beterrer.
Sorry about that I guess I missed the occupation. What ever happened with that idoit that was selling the body parts anyway. I had forgotten about that.
I'm not sure where it went. We turned all evidence over to the Brimfield Chief for transport to the MSP lab. Brimfield was going to take the case. In all we had 3 different subjects selling parts along with the people selling guns, switchblades, other stuff under 269s12. Interesting day.
I'll take a .45, a hunting knife and a liver to go please!
Oh, and if you got a TV in there, that and a lung would go great in my living room.
Good one from this morning after responding to a fight, one of the idiots we were arresting starts shooting off his mouth:
male: "you can't do this! you guys are hospital police! not real cops"
me: "you know what? you're right. we're not real cops, those aren't real handcuffs, you're not going to a real jail, and you won't see a real judge. this is all just a figment of your imagination."
male: "just shut-up and give me a phone so I can call my lawyer"
me: "noooo problem, except our phone isn't real either"
male: "my lawyer is gonna love you"
me: "is he a real lawyer?"
(the look on his face was priceless)
Was that Adrian or Loyal that you locked up?
Though the whole exchange was terrific, THIS line made it all work! :giggle:
I once had a guy stop me to ask a question (this is going back a few years, you'll understand why I mention that in a minute) and when he read the patch he said, "Oh, I thought you were the REGULAR police."
The exchange continued like this:
"Oh, you mean MIT?"
"No, the REGULAR police."
"No, no, you know who I mean."
"NO, NO, the REGULAR POLICE."
"NO. NO. STOP IT, YOU KNOW WHO I MEAN!"
I gave in at that point and said the name of the community. I smiled the whole time, but I did give him that pensive look as if I was really trying to figure out what he meant.
Ya GOTTA have fun on this job, it helps keep us all sane.:unsure:
---------- Post added at 10:46 ---------- Previous post was at 10:44 ----------
Are they still around? I miss their light hearted banter and clever witticisms.
Loyal made his presence known again a week ago...
I know Mr. Loyal personally. He's actually a decent friend of mine and one of the kindest people you'd ever meet, but he makes the most utterly stupid comments on this board.
Then perhaps you could give offer him pointers on how not to be a major douchebag.
Douchebags are born douchebags. Once a douchebag, always a douchebag.
This isn't involving the public but I still thought it was funny...I was riding in a two man car a few months back and myself and the other Officer were out drunk hunting. As we pull into our spot perpendicular to the road this brief conversation ensues...
Me: You're way too close to the road...
Me: If a drunk comes along we're going to get hit.
Him: well then we'll have PC for arrest..
Car in front of me a week ago on Rt. 9. Doing 20 MPH, weaving slightly. I am thinking OUI.
I stop him. He and his female passenger both look NG, but I can't smell any booze. Huge BOPs on both, lots of 94c, mostly "A".
We get a consent to search and find nothing. He doesn't seem impaired at all so I ask him what the deal with his driving was.
Before he has a chance to answer his GF says to me "Officer we were talking, and he was really getting in to me."
I tell her, "Next time have him pull over before he is all the way in you."
....From a dope-head.
Didn't this happen to a member of the Patriots?
Oh, never mind.