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Main Page Ex-gf problems, threats, vandalism, attempted B/E
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Posted by: Minion

I'm at my wits end here and need some advice. I will provide some background on what's been happening to me and hopefully some of you can offer your thoughts as to what I should do. I know this is long winded but I could really use some advice from this community.

I dated a girl for about 8 months and then I ended things this past June. She refused to accept it and began stalking, harassing and threatening me. On June 9th she attempted a B/E to my home, broke a window in my back door and tried to gain entry by putting her arm through and unlocking the deadbolt. I was home at the time and called the police who promptly came and escorted her off the property.

On July 11 I got a 209A against her at the local courthouse. After discovering I did so, later that evening she reported a Dom A/B that I had slapped her in the face. I was arrested. I had proof that I couldn't have done it (I was in another city with witnesses) but the police said they had to arrest me.

She did not press charges on the Dom A/B since it was a lie and she couldn't prove anything. My 209A was vacated by the judge 10 days later due to the fact that I wasn't in fear of my life. I disagreed with the decision of course, but that was the end of that.

From Aug to Nov the harassment and stalking continued. Over 600 phone calls from her in the span of 60 days, I have records to prove it. She would park up the street from my home and wait for me to arrive, then come to my home and ring the doorbell/knock at the door and would refuse to leave after I asked her to do so. From Aug to Sept I had the police remove her from my property 9 times. I have police reports for each incident. It seemed logical that the police would have arrested her after the 2nd or 3rd occurrence, but each time it was a different officer and she is very good at making up stories. Her usual story begins with a lot of crying to soften up the male PO, then she would say that she was at my home to retrieve some of her belongings. This was a complete lie - I did not have anything of hers, but it drew enough attention away from her trespassing that the officer would just tell her to leave, no arrest.

This past weekend I was at a Mobil station getting some soda and chips. When I exited the building, she appeared out of nowhere. She had been waiting for me around the back of the Mobil. As I walked back to my vehicle, she followed me and asked questions like "Can't we just talk? Why won't you return my phone calls? I don't want things to be over." I ignored her and simply told her to leave me alone. I got in my vehicle and started the ignition. She stood directly outside my driver door and said "You better not go to sleep tonight, because I'm going to f***ing kill you." Then she took out her car keys and "keyed" my vehicle across the driver side and passenger side door. After doing so, she ran back to her vehicle parked across the lot and drove away. I immediately called the police and had a report issued. I then proceeded to the PD in my town (2 mins away) and filed for an Emer209A due to the threat on my life. I had to wait for the sgt to arrive to write up the paperwork and was at the PD for almost 2 hours. After the sgt arrived the judge was called and the 209A issued. About this time, after seeing my vehicle in front of the PD, she came into the station and alleged that I had just punched her in the face. The officers laughed at her, saying I had been there for the past 2 hours filing claims against her. Plus she did not have any marks on her face. She said she didn't care and that she wanted me arrested and put in jail. The officers told her they would not do that. And since she was at the station, they served her right there with the 209A.

The officers instructed her to go home, which was 40 mins away, there was no reason for her to be in my town at the time. She left the building and I chatted with the officers for another 20 mins and then I left too. Upon reaching my home about 10 mins later, I received a phone call from her. I immediately drove back to the PD and filed a complaint that she violated the 209A. As I was filling out the paperwork, she arrived at the PD and said I had just called her. Her phone had no record of a call from me, but I had a record of her call to me. The officers placed her under arrest and she spent the weekend in jail.

At her arraignment on Monday the judge continued the 209A until the hearing, about 3 weeks away. In addition I filed a complaint against her for the damage to my vehicle, which will cost approx $2000 according to my ins company.

So now that the story is out of the way, here are some questions. I'm obviously dealing with someone who has some issues. She's had no problem lying to the PO's and filing false claims. She stalks me, harasses me, damages my property, and threatened my life. Getting a 209A as a male in this state is extremely difficult, and getting one continued as a male is darn near impossible. I was very pleased that my order was continued until the hearing, but I worry that it will be vacated at that time. This would be extremely bad, since it would open me up to more attacks and false claims by her.

What do you suggest I do in preparation for the hearing in order to increase my chances of having the 209A continued? I've already gotten all the police reports from the PD's in my area. Also, is there anything you can recommed I do or NOT do in the future to protect myself from her? Like I said at the beginning, I am at my wits end here and really need some help. This state seems ready, willing, and able to help women in situations like this, but its a different story for a guy. I've considered getting vid surv systems for my home, and tools to allow me to record phone conversations. If anyone has experience with either of these things I'd like to get some feedback on that too.

Any and all thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thanks for helping a citizen under attack.

Posted by: SOT

move

Posted by: Unregistered

I did move. And I changed my phone number. Nothing is stopping her.

Posted by: JoninNH

If you moved and changed your number, then she wouldn't know where you live or where to call you. You need to cut all ties with this broad. This means... do not go to the same stores, restruants, hang-outs, in your old town. You have friends who are also her friends? Stop talking to them, or at least make sure they don't know your new # or addy. Change your patterns. Everyone has patterns. Do you usually drive a specific way home from work? Change it. Do you always buy gas on Tuesday when you save a nickle a gallon? Suck it up and buy it from a different station down the street on Thursdays. This woman is bad news, you seem smart enough to recognize that, so please, be smart enough to solve the problem. A 209A is NOT going to solve all your problems. It's a piece of paper, thats it. She has demonstrated an ability and desire to harrass you in spite of your active 209A. Whether or not your 209A is continued or sustained is less important then you figuring out a way to stay completely clear of this woman... forever. This means that when she emails you six months after you last see her, that you don't reply to the email. This means that YOU need to take proactive measures to keep away from her. Is it fair? No.

Posted by: Clouseau

It's not serious until she boils your pet rabbit.

Posted by: SOT

If you move then go to the same bars, hang out at the same places, you just moved your stuff.

You have to MOVE...like to another state, other end of the state etc.
Use a PO Box for all your mail...get a cell and never a land line, etc.
MOVE.

Posted by: Minion

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