Kevin Ray Underwood's blog talks about the weather, movies, books, life in rural Oklahoma and - especially in more recent posts - feeling isolated, depressed and even homicidal.
He wrote in September 2004, "my fantasies are just getting weirder and weirder. Dangerously weird. If people knew the kinds of things I think about anymore, I'd probably be locked away. No probably about it, I know I would be."
In February the 26-year-old described sitting at his computer for 14 hours on his day off, while weeks of garbage sat in the kitchen.
"Pretty much the only time I believe in God is when I blame him for something," he said. "Or, when I'm really depressed, to cry and beg him to make me better, to make whatever is wrong in my brain go away, so that I can live like a normal person."
Investigators believe Underwood lured a 10-year-old neighbor girl into his apartment last week, beat her over the head with a wooden cutting board and suffocated her with his hands and duct tape. He was arrested Friday after he led investigators to his apartment, where they found the body of Jamie Rose Bolin in a large Rubbermaid tub sealed with duct tape in his bedroom closet.
People who worked with Underwood described him Sunday as a quiet, "boring" and seemingly trustworthy young man, but their characterizations seemed to echo a September 2005 blog entry in which he described himself as becoming "more and more detached from the world."
In a brief, tearful telephone interview with The Associated Press, Underwood's mother was in disbelief and horror over the accusations.
"This is something that I don't know where it came from," said Connie Underwood, who lives across town from her son. "He was always a wonderful boy.
"I would like to be able to tell her family how sorry we are. I just feel so terrible."
Kevin Underwood first raised investigators' suspicions Friday, at a police checkpoint near his apartment, where he lived alone downstairs from Jamie and her father.
According to a police affidavit, he confessed that he killed the girl, telling FBI agents: "Go ahead and arrest me. She is in there. I chopped her up."
Jamie's unclothed body was inside the tub, along with a towel used to soak up blood, officials said. Police said that, while there were deep saw marks on the girl's neck, she had not been dismembered.
Authorities in this small community 40 miles south of Oklahoma City believe Underwood killed the girl Wednesday, when she disappeared after going to a library, and allege that he had planned to act out a fantasy by eating her flesh. Underwood, who authorities said did not appear to have a criminal record, is to be formally charged with first-degree murder Monday.
In his blog, where he wrote under the screen name "SubSpecies 23," Underwood mentions cannibalism, asking "If you were a cannibal, what would you wear to dinner?" and responding: "The skin of last night's main course."
He also listed the book, "Meat is Murder!: New Edition: An Illustrated Guide to the Cannibal Culture," on a wish list posted in January.
Underwood also wrote about his depression and feeling socially inept; he said he stopped taking the anti-depressant Lexapro in September 2004.
Underwood's last blog entry was posted a day after Jamie disappeared. It was a link to a story about a find that paleontologists said bridged an evolutionary gap between two prehuman species.
"The Missing Link found at last," was all he wrote. By Saturday there were more than 350 responses to the entry, most by people enraged by the killing.
Underwood worked for nearly seven years at a Carl's Jr. restaurant, where shift leader Bill Berdan described him as a quiet person who kept to himself. "He did a good job," Berdan said Sunday.
He said Underwood, who quit about a year ago, was a "boring" man who rarely smiled.
"Just his tone of voice, he just sounded dull," Berdan said. "Trying to get a smile out of him took an act of Congress."
Berdan said he and his wife and young daughters never suspected anything unusual.
"He gave my wife rides home from work numerous times," Berdan said. "We never felt uncomfortable. I talked to my girls after this happened, and they said they felt comfortable around him."
His most recent job was as a stocker at a Griders Discount Foods grocery store in Oklahoma City, where he arrived early for his shift Friday, said a manager at the store, Jerry Castro.
"He was the same as always," Castro said. "He was quiet and kept to himself. He didn't interact with people. It just didn't dawn on you that this was something he'd do."
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